I’m not one to usually get involved in politics, but with the election approaching, many of my clients are experiencing intense anxiety about the outcome, one way or another. I’ve been reflecting on the divided nature of our country and how troubling it feels to me—and I’m sure to so many others as well. So, I decided to tackle a simple topic for November’s blog: healing the divide. Haha!

I went to Antioch University Seattle, and as you enter the building, they have a quote prominently displayed over the doorway: “You must be the change you wish to see in the world,” by Mahatma Gandhi. Early in my graduate school career, I took a picture of it, and I was determined to find the change I wanted to emulate in the world.

Simple as it may sound, I wrote a children’s book titled As Kind as Can Be, and I made a commitment to always project kindness into the world. Through this process, I learned the difference between being nice and being kind.

Being nice often involves polite behavior and pleasant interactions, focusing on social norms and surface-level exchanges. In contrast, being kind is about genuine compassion and empathy, motivating deeper, selfless actions that aim to help others—regardless of social expectations. While niceness can be situational, kindness tends to reflect a deeper character trait.

I try imperfectly to always be kind to others, and when I make a mistake, I work to acknowledge my slip-ups. Recently, I’ve come across a recurring post on social media. While I won’t quote it directly, the general idea is that agreeing to disagree is fine for trivial matters, like not liking coffee—but not for basic human rights. According to the post, a difference of opinion becomes a difference in morality when it comes to fundamental issues.

At first, my immediate reaction was, “Of course! I agree!” But as I hovered over the "Like" or "Love" button, something inside stopped me. I realized I was feeling unsettled. Something didn’t sit right on a deeper level, but why? I had to sit with my reaction for a while.

My husband and I recently started taking our children to a church, choosing it specifically because of its inclusive, progressive messages, which align with the environment we want for our kids. This past Sunday, our pastor spoke about respect. He explained that the word respect comes from the Latin respectus, meaning “the act of looking at one often, to consider, to observe.” He added, “We are called to respect one another by tending to each other, considering each other, and supporting each other.”

That’s when it hit me—this was why the social media post didn’t sit right with me. I may profoundly disagree with people, but I want to be respectful, and I want to be kind. I have family and friends who see things differently than I do, and some social justice advocates might call me a coward for not immediately cutting them out of my life. But I love them deeply, and my life would suffer without them.

If it were a one-dimensional issue, maybe that would be easier. But people are multi-dimensional beings, much like a tapestry woven from various threads. Each layer represents different experiences, emotions, beliefs, and motivations, creating a rich, intricate design. Just as a tapestry reveals new patterns and details upon closer inspection, understanding someone fully requires delving beneath the surface to appreciate the complexities and nuances that shape who they are—such as their upbringing, history, traumas, influences, cultural background, education, generation, relationships, personal beliefs, socioeconomic status, health, or their understanding of media and technology.

As a therapist, I work with people from all walks of life, with varying beliefs. I don’t refuse to work with clients whose values or beliefs differ from my own. I show them respect and kindness, learn their stories, listen, and provide services as I would for anyone else.

Cutting off meaningful relationships or demanding that those around us exclusively share our opinions only widens the divide. Going back to the tapestry analogy: if the tapestry represents society—with all its rich colors, patterns, connections, and relationships—ripping through it creates a jagged tear, disrupting the flow and harmony of the design. Similarly, conflict can fracture relationships and create divides.

In contrast, mending that tear involves carefully stitching the fabric back together, restoring the integrity of the tapestry. Each stitch represents understanding, empathy, and effort, weaving the threads of communication and reconciliation back into place. This process not only repairs the damage but can also enhance the tapestry, adding new colors and patterns that reflect the growth and resilience that come from overcoming challenges together.

I certainly don’t have all the answers, and I don’t know how to mend the current divide as it exists today. But I think we need to start by finding some common ground and coming together, rather than moving further apart.

The influence of media, social media, and partisan rhetoric can make it seem like the nation is more divided or extreme than it really is. In reality, Americans tend to hold more centrist or middle-ground views on many issues, rather than aligning strictly with far-right or far-left ideologies. While the political extremes often get the most attention in media coverage, polls and surveys consistently show that a large portion of the population falls somewhere in the middle, holding mixed or moderate positions on key topics. Frustrated by the polarization of the extremes, Americans may be open to compromise or willing to balance competing values—and therein lies some hope.